I want to start off by saying I am at a very contemplative state right now. All I do is think. It has always been my downfall, when I think too much, shit starts hitting the fan. But this time it's different. I have a very big hole in my heart right now and the only person who can fill it is me. I'm constantly thinking about my future. I want to set it up so that it is perfect or near perfect. I hate not knowing what's going to happen. It kills me. So I've been reading a book (The Secret) . . . The book says I have to trust in the universe that everything will work out. I have to put out to the universe what I truly want and hope that it returns that to me. In other words, I have to put out there what I want and the universe will give me back what I want. Kinda like that quote, "You get back what you put out." Sounds easy, yes? As in the words of Borat, "The sweater is NOT gray." or something like that. Haha, if you didn't get it, my point is it isn't easy. It's extremely hard, especially when you are so sad. But, if I continue to be sad and pity myself and say "Why me?" then all I will get back is more pitiful situations and more grief. So how does one go about starting this way of thinking? Let me just tell you, it's kinda crazy. I got this book, read it and it didn't really strike me so passionately as it does now. Why? Because I had everything I wanted pretty much. A good job, I was going back to school, a great boyfriend, fabulous friends, wonderful family, what more did I want? So, I didn't take the book as serious but I also didn't appreciate what I had. I kinda tested the waters, it didn't really come through for me so I threw out what I learned. But now is a different story and that's kinda my point. This book is only truth-bringing when you really really need it. Which is selfish and the book tells you this from the get-go. So, now I'm reading this book again from a different perspective. I've got new glasses on and new experiences. This book is very helpful BUT you have to ALWAYS be grateful. Don't take this book for granted after you have what you want because like I did when I first got this book, it turns your life into a whirlwind. Not saying this book has magic powers and turns your life into a living hell if you disobey anything it teaches but once you understand what this book is about, if you stop believing or practicing what it teaches, you find your life crashing down all around you. It's the law of the universe. Sounds crazy and sounds witchy (if that's a word) but it's true. So although you just lost your job or your car or a loved one, it's not the end of the world and you should look around you see what you can be grateful for. The book also tells you to envision a good day. Envision something happening the way you want it and really FEEL that it is happening and that it is going to happen. Basically, you have to act like what you want is already in the palm of your hands or in your life. No negative thoughts here folks. Which is hard in a world like we live in today. But isn't impossible. So think about the feeling you get when you get a new job or car. Envision actually receiving it and the feeling that you feel. Feel it. It's a strange concept and I am learning everyday that life is a big journey. Journey to what? I don't know. But it's a journey nonetheless that we must all take and where it leads us, we don't know. We can only make the best of it while we are alive. Which I've learned is the number one thing to be grateful for even if your life isn't as great as you'd like. It's actually just being alive and have the opportunity to embark on your journey that you should be grateful for. It's never too late. It really never is. I'm so young. I was getting upset and negative because I feel I'm ready to meet the person I'm going to be with for the rest of my life. I'm ready to invest my whole self into someone who is in it for the long haul. Someone who completes me and I complete them. And I had a taste of that with Billy. I was ready for the life I wanted to build with someone and I thought that time was now and Billy was the one. I had a rude awakening. And not that Billy isn't the one or now is not the time but I have to just put out there what I want and let it come but while I wait just be happy. Don't dwell on stuff. Especially negative stuff. In a sense, it's a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that oneday I will have what I want and deserve. In the meantime, be grateful for what I do have like a loving, incredible family and great, caring friends. The main point is to believe. Believe and you shall receive. Haha, that's my new motto. :)
p.s. Sorry, the next post will be about fashion I swear!