Friday, December 17, 2010
Here goes nothing.
For some reason, I feel compelled to write something. I am not a therapist or a psychologist or a relationship guru and seeing my relationship record, I'm the last person to be giving any kind of advice on this subject. I'm just going to speak from experience and a revelation I made currently. Something inside me is saying "do it", so here goes nothing.
Recently, I had a major setback in my romantic life. 3 years later and I'm back to square 1. Back, where I was 3 years ago. A broken relationship behind me and a scary, empty future ahead. But this time would be different. I was determined to not make the same mistakes. I could live with myself better if I learned from my ways and changed so I would not be in this situation again. Heartbreak is hard and can drive you insane if you let it. Needless to say, I don't ever want to feel this way again so I had to make some changes. To be quite honest, and not to be waving the religion flag, but I found faith. I am not a religious person per say, I was raised in a religious family but times are so different now that there are alot of things that can sway you. So, I've been swayed for sure and I'm not saying now I've been saved or anything but I definitely believe there is something or someone else bigger than us out there. I'm just saying I'm not writing here to preach the gospel or wave a Jesus flag. Whatever you believe is perfectly fine but it all goes into the same category. Faith. Because see, I recently read a book called The Secret and in it they praise the laws of nature, laws of the universe. Pretty convincing stuff but if you just replace the Universe with God or with Buddha or with aliens, it's all the same. Human kind needs faith. And faith is what got me through this difficult time.
I am writing all this for myself but also for a friend. A friend who just got dealt her romantic setback card too. I know EXACTLY how she feels. To the very last drop. I want to help. Writing is therapeutic for me and writing this for her will be something she can always come back to and it's far easier than texting it all, haha.
Now relationship setbacks, break ups, trial separations, divorce can all take a toll on you. Emotionally and physically. I have no idea how much weight I lost but I know my jeans don't fit quite as well as they used to. My emotions would go up and down and be more unpredictable than Texas weather. It's natural. Succumb to it but monitor it. I just always try to tell myself, I am not alone. That's most peoples' worst fear, to be alone. I am not the first, last or only person who's gone through this and my friend just proves my point. We ALL as some point have experienced heart break. Whether from losing a loved or from some clown who let you go because he couldn't see your worth. Comfort in numbers my friend. Remember you are not alone.
So now that the heart break has happened and you are in shock or in denial, take a step back. The battle is half way over. That initial pain and shock is the strongest you will through out this whole thing. So cry it out! Let all that pain come and let it all out. Just remember, this is the worst you will feel and it's almost over. The sooner you let it all out, the sooner you will feel better and feel more alive. I know it hurts so bad you feel like you just want to die and believe me, there will be days where you just wish you won't wake up. But it’s all just a feeling. It's not real and if it comes, let it come but know that it's not real. Feel the pain and then tell it you don't believe in it. Please, know it's not real. The worst part is almost over.
The next part is fun. Finding yourself. You gave sooooo much of yourself to someone and they've gone and thrown it all away. They just lost big time. They just lost the lottery and they will realize it soon enough. It's been about two weeks or more since my romantic downfall but I have made enormous strides. Not to brag haha. One of those strides is faith and I will talk more about that later. Also, everything happens for a reason is my new motto/mantra. Knowing you are worth more than your weight in gold is so important. Listen to me, I sound like an old lady, but those grandma words are true. Grandmas know what they are talking about. Took me a long time and this horrific incident to realize that. To realize I am so valuable. I did things that made me feel good. Talking, writing, reading and laughing have done wonders for me. They are like the super healers of a broken heart. Super glue for your soul. You will be stronger and heal faster if you focus on you. Try to figure out things that make you happy because nothing boosts your confidence more than when you are happy and love yourself. I did a little exercise I found on the internet, listing things you pride yourself on or that make you proud of you. Because in this world, there are alot of horrible people, sneaky people, dishonest people, so if you are none of those, you are already miles ahead of everyone else. The one who let you go, broke your heart, chewed you up and spit you out has a higher chance of landing one of these horrible people than finding someone like you ever again. I wrote down my list and I have to say, I am pretty cool. I am smart, funny, caring, kind, family oriented, talented and faithful. Make a list now and see how great you are! Chances are you are alot greater than you thought.
Ok so after much soul searching and finding out about myself, I realized at this time in my life, only I can make myself happy. I realized I am in control of my sadness and happiness. Only I know what makes me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants, only I know what makes me truly content and what makes me feel loved. So I sought those things out. Family, friends, funny movies, jokes, drawing, designing, writing are all things that make me happy. Out of sight, out of mind. Delete that face book account if seeing them makes you angry, delete their number if you think that threes an off chance you might call them when you are drunk and don't go to the places they frequent if you think seeing them will hurt you more. Tell yourself whatever they do now that you are broken up is to either hurt you or to help them cope as well. Let their lives vanish from your mind and focus on your life. Ok, sorry back on track. Find happiness again through whatever moves you. For me it was family, friends, shopping and my obsession with fashion that made me happy again. Pretend you never met the ogre and get you back. Haha. It's easier said than done but give it a try.
So, now I am at a good place. I want to talk about my last step or the final stage. I found rather quickly. I've read plenty of relationship books, articles, watched videos, you name it. They tell you to put on a happy face (which you should do), they say go out and have fun (which you better do) and they say laugh laugh laugh (which really is the best medicine). But they never say have faith. Have hope, which they should. With a break up, it can seem like the biggest thing in the world and if you try to get through it alone, you will end up being crushed. You need help with it and it's ok to ask. Have faith in the world again. Not everyone you meet will hurt you so don't get bitter. Your world won't stop spinning so don't try to make it. Have faith that there is light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it just yet. Have faith that there is something bigger and better out there for you and in order to get to it you have to suffer a little. I see it as kind of like payment for the great thing I am going to receive one day. I am paying for it in pain and that makes it so much more worth it. Sounds weird, I know but go with me. Some people have faith in God, some in Buddha and some in aliens but whatever your faith is, use it. Give it all your trust that everything will work out and watch it work. Just know there is a reason for this and you will be better off for having gone through this. Go with it. Give your faith to someone or something and go with it. Your life will work out the way you want it to, just believe it. You can't control anyone else's life so don't try. Just worry about yours. Trust your life to faith and hide out and wait for the storm to pass. What doesn't break you makes you stronger and the human heart and soul is so flexible. Nothing can break it unless you let it. My hiding place is faith. I am now just hiding under a protective wing until this storm passes. And it will. Now, I'm not trying to wave a Jesus flag or trying to preach anything, I'm just saying that having hope and faith that things will be ok in the end is crucial to surviving this. I recently read a book about faith and was in shock at how much it moved me. It was exactly what I needed at that moment and I know it was someone or something that put me in the path of this book. And now my pieces are slowly getting put back together. So please whatever or whoever you believe in as far as your faith, give them your pain and trust them to make it better. Trust that they have a plan for you and whether to you that's God, the universe, aliens or a squirrel or all of the above. Put your trust in them. Life will work itself out and this will soon be over. It will be a weight lifted off your shoulders and you will be able to move on with you.
If you are the religious type, I suggest reading the book I read. Email me if you want the title.