Wednesday, November 16, 2011

When good intentions go wrong

Since when does doing the right and mature thing blow up in your face? Since when does trying to make people happy blow up in your face? Oh wait, that happens all the time which should be a lesson learned. So in short, don't do something just to please someone else because then they are going to keep expecting you to do things to make them happy at your expense.

I did something I thought was mature and was the right thing to do and then I was expected to read minds. I don't read minds, I don't know what you're thinking if you don't tell me. I am pretty good at reading body language and when someone is expressing through their movements and actions that they don't want to communicate or interact with you, what are you supposed to do? I need that answer because then this whole thing could have been avoided. 

I am the kind of person who is shy. I was taught to speak only when spoken to but once I get to know you, I let my guard down and I'm actually really nice. I hate making people uncomfortable, I hate making people wait, I hate letting people down, I hate when people think I'm a bitch because I'm so quiet and shy, I hate being mad at people, I hate people feeling as though I don't care when I do, I hate people feeling as though I'm unappreciative when I am and I hate people thinking they know what I'm thinking when they don't. 

I'm not a mean or disrespectful person but I don't read minds so if I think someone is mad or upset with me and I apologize for whatever I did to make them feel that way, I'm not going to chat them up. I'm going to keep my distance because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or annoyed. Is that wrong? Why am I being blamed for something when I didn't do anything but what I thought was right?! It's sad and hurtful. It hurts my feelings. So, after I went out on a limb and apologized, I should assume the person forgives me and act like nothing ever happened? I'm not that kind of person. If someone says something to me, I respond with either "I agree", "I don't agree." or "I don't know what I feel right now or how to respond.". HOW HARD IS THAT?! But, that's not the case here. That rule of consideration doesn't apply here. I have to do what is right and what is good for everyone but when it comes to me, the communication is out the door. I get the shaft, I get pushed aside, I get swept under the rug. All that needed to be done was communication. I communicated my sorrow and it was left hanging there and I was supposed to take that and assume that everything was okay. 

I feel extremely wronged in this situation especially after I tried to do what was right the first time around. It's so frustrating. It makes you not want to do what is right. It makes you want to only look out for yourself. It makes you not want to care about anyone else. But, I will do what is right and look out for others and care about everyone else anyways. Because, that's the right thing to do. And hopefully that will get me somewhere. 


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