Sunday, November 22, 2009

Where there is love, I'll be there

So, I'm going to take a break from the usual fashion world postings to post something a little more intimate. As it's coming close upon Thanksgiving, I wanted to write a post giving thanks. It's funny because I actually have a gratitude journal where I try to write daily all the things I am thankful for. It helps me appreciate people and things and to put things in prospective. In this world where everyone just wants wants wants, it's nice to sit back and actually want what you already have. I remember as a child, everytime around this time of the year, I had to write a paragraph at school of what I was thankful for. . . I usually said the generic "family, friends and toys" or what not. I think its good to write those paragraphs but at the same time, I wasn't really aware of what being thankful truly meant. It's not until you have more experience in life and you've been down and out that you realize what you have. But I'm not saying I don't think children should write thankful paragraphs, I think they should, just to raise their awareness of what being thankful really means. So, getting back to the point of this post, I want to say thanks to everyone and anyone who has made a difference in my life. Even if you think you haven't, trust me, you have.

1. My family. I get so emotional when I think of my family because growing up isn't easy and I've made mistakes and I've pushed my family away but they've always stuck by me. They've never turned their back on me although at times I wanted them to just leave me alone. They truly love me and I am extremely lucky to have them in my life because without them I would be alone and lost. They've never ever given up on me although many times I'm sure they threw up their hands in surrender. I've learned sooooo much from them and can't express enough how lucky I am. I get so excited and just content when I'm with them and hope they know how much they mean to me. I'm extremely lucky to have a family to spend the holidays with and to have a family who is there for me when I need them most. Especially now more than ever and they're here. And I know they always will be.

2. My boyfriend. The most amazing man I've ever met (besides my father). He is teaching me how to be strong and how to be a better person and I can't thank him enough for that. Your family tends to look past your flaws and accepts them as part of who you are but my boyfriend knows that those flaws are just flaws. That I'm not too old to learn and grow and he's been by my side the whole time. He may be across the ocean in another country but doesn't mean he isn't in my heart with me everyday. It's extremely unfortunate that we cannot spend Thanksgiving this year together but I know we have many more Thanksgivings to come and I look forward to them. I'm just so lucky to have someone like him in my life because he will always be there for me and I can't thank him enough for doing all he can to make this situation we are in a little easier. He's one of a kind.

3. My friends. I know I'm not a real open and outgoing person so making friends for me isn't easy. With the help of my very outgoing and friendly boyfriend, I've made some amazing friends. The people in my life who know when I need to just get out and have some fun. They are always there for me and always make me feel as if I'm part of some big family of crazy people haha. During this year and half I have left being apart from the man I love, they are there for me and make sure I have a great time when I'm with them. I can't thank them enough for being there when I need them and for letting me be when I just want to be alone. I think they feel for me right now but at the same time they know that life goes on and I can't just hole up in my apartment for a year and a half. And just when I think that I can't do this alone, I remember that I'm not alone. My friends never forget me.

4. My job. Although it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life, I'm thankful I have a job in general. With the unemployment rate at an all time high, I feel guilty that I have a job and a mother of two or a family of 5 does not have a job. It's such a hard process finding and applying and getting a job, so I know that I'm lucky to have a job in times like these. One day, I hope to own my own company and I will employ these honest and genuine people who have families like mine who just want to live life and enjoy each other. And I'm thankful to a former manager and co-worker who emailed me when they found out I was out of a job to offer me a new one just a week after being laid off. I can't thank them enough for helping me out at a time when I was just ready to give up.

5. A roof over my head and a bed. I LOVE being in bed, warm and cozy, watching TV and falling asleep. It's my favorite thing after a long day and I can't be thankful enough that I have those things in my life. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have a place to lay my head and keep warm at night. Yet, millions of Americans do it every night. So, I can't complain that my apartment is small or that we barely have any furniture or that my neighbor below likes to blast his music at 3am every night. I am lucky to have a warm place with running water, a bed, TV, food and an awesome roommate (my brother)!

6. Being alive. Although right now is very hard for me, being away from the person I love so much, I have to just be thankful I am alive and able to receive and feel his love and my familys' love. There were times when I was so down and out that I thought it would be better to just not be here. I never thought of suicide, mind you, just simply if I was never born, sometimes I just said to myself "wish I was never here". But then I think of my family and I think of laughter and I think of love and I think of everything I have in my life right now, some people have none of these things. Some people wish hard everyday for any one of these things and when I know things aren't going my way I try to think of the things I care about and if I never had any of these. No one can live without love and I'm lucky I have tons of it. I also enjoy nature and being alive lets you enjoy those things you love.

So to health and love and life, I just want to say thanks to everything and everyone in my life for being in my life. I'm very lucky and I always think back to these things when I feel like the world is against me and I can't go on. I know that I have to fight through these hard times because I have alot to live for. Everything in my life is a blessing and life goes on, no matter how hard it gets sometimes. I will never give up, thanks to all the things I already have.


XX Shanette

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